Up in the Air

For his birthday, Milo was gifted a beautiful and easy to fly kite. He had it up in the air for about 15 minutes of unadulterated joy and pride. And then he flew straight into a tree. Chris tried to get it down, but it was very high up and quite stuck. We had to leave the kite there and take home the crying boy who insisted the birds could help us get it down.

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Milo's favorite game to play these days is Mama bird / Baby bird. We play for at least an hour each day. Truthfully this game - where we pile all the blankets and pillows of our bed into a nest and fly around getting worms for one another - is mind numbingly dull. Still, I can tell he is working through a lot of things while we play this game. He gets the chance to be the adored baby again. We practice leaving one another and coming back. Until these topics - which are so trying to him right now - don't feel so up in the air, we will play Mama bird / Baby bird.

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I've been singing Three Little Birds to Milo since before he was born. On good days, but more usually on bad days, we sing the birdie song and lift our voices up in the air. After all that singing, he now sings it back to me. In the car the other day, I heard his sweet little voice singing about greeting the morning sun and promising me every little thing was going to be all right. Leo babbled right along and even tapped his musical bugs as accompaniment.

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There is a waxy leafed flowering shrub in our backyard. The slight drooping of the branches makes the perfect little hideout for a three-year-old. One day when Milo shook a branch we suddenly saw dozens of moths and butterflies fly up in the air. Just because we don't see something at first glance doesn't mean it isn't there.

Leo - Three Months

We have officially bypassed the "fourth trimester" and Leo is now 13 weeks old! He is no longer a newborn and is how an actual smiling, giggly, lovable baby boy. Just this week, he has been rocking tummy time and does a great job at holding his head up. And just yesterday he rolled over from front to back for the first time! We were so proud.

He's still a cuddle bug and clearly lets us know when he wants to be held. When we are out and about, he is usually held tight against me in the Moby wrap. He loves it! When he sees me tieing the wrap, he gets a huge smile on his face. For the most part, he's a content and happy baby. He's at his most fussy when he is super tired and just wants helped to sleep already.

Leo loves his big brother and I often notice him watching Milo as Milo goes about his day. Leo is also a big fan of me - I have the Mommy milk after all. He also smiles a lot at Chris and particularly likes to talk to him during dinner (if Leo isn't napping, we put him in his high chair at the table so he can be part of family dinners).

During diaper changes and first thing in the morning, Leo is constantly babbling. I forgot how much I love those baby noises. And the smiles, oh the smiles, this little Leo boy has are just amazing.

Three!

Somehow in the last few years we have gone from this: To this:

It's been quite a ride for all of us. Our three-year-old version of Milo gives the best hugs. He is fast fast runner (often in the opposite direction of where I would like him to be). Milo is beginning to realize there is a big world beyond his house and his people - this can be a little scary. His little voice is so sweet as he sings the alphabet and Bob the Builder theme song. It really shines, though, when he says I really really love you Mommy. He's not a fan of haircuts, so his shaggy little head of hair is starting to curl and stick out in all directions. Currently he loves all things Thomas the Tank Engine. He's learned to use a mouse and loves to play games on the computer. Each night before Chris tucks Milo into bed and reads him stories we talk about the favorite thing from our day and what we are thankful for. Sometimes it is going to the park, or a trip with Mommy to the grocery store, or a new book from the library. And even on tough days where the negotiating and whining have been too much, I sniff his head and think of how fast it is going. Three!

Different

Baby Leo is different than baby Milo was. Less dramatic in his highs and lows.

At almost three, Milo is still - or maybe more - mercurial. His moods changing from day to day and hour to hour.

My postpartum and nursing body is different than it was before. Heavier and denser. Not the same.

The weather here lately has had drastic swings from warm and sunny days to cold and windy storms.

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Driving home from the library yesterday, I turned left when I typically go straight. This immediately garnered a reaction from the backseat. Where are we going? This isn't the way home! I told Milo I was just going a different way for the fun of it. To change things up a little. He started crying. Different is not fun. Turn around Mommy. I promised him I would get us home. A few moments later upon arriving at our house I gave him a hug while unbuckling his seat. Different things can be scary, but they are okay. What will always be the same is that Mommy and Daddy love you.

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When everything seems different it helps to find the same in life. To find that constant and hold on to enjoy the ride of growth and change.

Leo - Two Months

Our sweet little Leo is growing right up! This past month has flown in a flurry of unseasonably warm days. We have gone to playgrounds and played in the backyard. Leo is typically in the Moby Wrap or in the ring sling. I am trying to keep him out of the baby carrier as much as possible because one side of his head is getting rather flat. Our pediatrician is doing osteo treatments on it and we're already seeing some improvement.

In other Leo news, he has started sleeping through most nights! Such a gift for this tired Mama. He typically wakes somewhere between 5 and 6 a.m. to nurse and then goes back to sleep for another hour or so. Throughout the day, he is mostly still sleeping, but does have some awake periods where he smiles, coos and looks around. We say he has a froggy smile. He often says something that sounds like AGA and we all like to repeat it back to him. He's not really grasping for objects yet, but he does enjoy looking at toys with a lot of contrast. Most mornings, he and Milo take turns activating the lights and music on his bouncer. I love watching them play this game together.

Leo still seems itty bitty to me, but at his last appointment he weighed around 12.5 pounds. He is mostly in size 3 months clothes. It has been fun dressing him in my favorite outfits that Milo once wore.

We're still in survival mode as we get used to life with two kiddos, but Leo has been a joy. He's a super easy baby to love and be around. Unless he is very tired or very hungry, we don't usually hear him make too much of a fuss. He likes to look around and take in everything. And in the moments I steal with just him, I like to take him in and revel in his sweet babyness.

Leo - One Month

It so doesn't seem like Leo has been here for a month already! This might be because he still sleeps a lot during the day and while I don't actually forget he's there, the attention tends to go to his louder, older brother rather than to the sweet sleeping baby. Although he still sleeps for much of the day, we do have short periods of awake time each day. He looks around and takes everything in - especially lights, shadows and ceiling fans. Also, the other day he smiled at me for the first time! Intentional first smiles are one of those super special baby things that I love and his were so fun to witness - all coy and lovey.

The life of the second child is vastly different than the firstborn. Leo has been carted around to playgrounds, numerous trips to the library and to various recreation classes. Sometimes I wear him in the sling or Moby wrap and sometimes he hangs out in his stroller. He prefers to be worn. If in the car seat carrier, we must keep moving or he can begin to get a little fussy. As busy as he is though, Leo also gets the benefit of having a more experienced set of parents. We are much more confident in our baby handling and care. Plus, Leo gets Milo! The other day when we dipped Leo in Milo's tub and called it a bath (see second born and not getting elaborate baths in the kitchen sink), Leo was crying and without our asking, Milo reached over and held his hand.

When I think of Leo, the word sweet comes to mind. He is just a sweet a little bundle of baby. I steal moments of cuddle time with him first thing in the morning and before bed. Sometimes I let Milo watch one more episode of Thomas than is probably wise so that I can spend more cuddle time on the couch with Leo. In these cuddly moments, I get a deep sense of Leo's sweet personality and wise ways. Maybe that's why it seems like he has been here for longer than a month, in some ways I think I have known him all my life.

A few random things about Leo:

• He has the sweetest little lips. They are often pursed in a little kissy pout that is hard to resist.
• At this point, he wakes about 2 or 3 times per night to eat. He is still sleeping in a pack and play in our room.
• At his two-week check up he had gained 13 ounces for the previous week. The doctor took this to mean breastfeeding is going well. Actually, though I think he has some latch issues which we are working to correct.
• He has outgrown some of his newborn clothes and is mostly wearing 3 month outfits.
• His right is the side he prefers to look to, but he can be coerced to look the other direction.

Sam the Cat

When I was a junior in high school, two friends and I went shopping for costumes to wear for an upcoming play. Next door to the discount store happened to be an animal shelter so we stopped in to visit the cats. There I met the sweetest white with a gray tipped tail cat. He meowed at me and upon being taken out of his cage, put either paw on the side of my neck and gave me a huge cat hug. The next day I returned to the cat shelter with my Mom. Sam the cat returned with us to our house.

Over the years, Sam worked his way into all of our hearts with his quircky cat ways. Never the smartest cat, he was, however, sweet and gentle and funny. The first days he lived with us, he would follow me around (even jumping on my back when I would lean over to put my contacts in). Years later, after I left for college and then eventually moved out of my parents house, Sam became less my cat and more theirs. When I would return home to feed him while they were on vacations, Sam would yell at me and lead me to their room as if to say "they are not here - where have then gone and when are they coming home to me".

Last week, Sam's continued decline (he wasn't eating, couldn't jump onto furniture and was just looking miserable) led my Mom to make the tough decision to call the vet and have him put to sleep. Clearly, we were all very sad about this. As soon as I heard the news though, I was worried about Milo. Milo and Sam, although having a rough beginning, had struck a truce and developed a close friendship (if somewhat one sided). Milo often talked about Sam and would bring toys to show him. Sam tolerated the pets and hugs and chases around the house.

When Milo asked about seeing Sam this week, we had to say he was dead. The word sounded so harsh - dead, died, gone, not coming back. It's no wonder adults cling to the nicer ways of talking about death - passed away, moved on, resting. The finality of the words we chose to use with Milo are tough to swallow. He was quite upset about and had a lot of questions about where Sam went and why. We didn't have great answers.